When Our Preferences Get in the Way of Worship

Have you ever left a church service feeling frustrated because something didn't go the way you thought it should?

Maybe the service felt different than you expected. Something wasn't quite as organized as you would have liked. Somebody made a mistake, or a familiar routine changed.

Sometimes those things can stay with us longer than the Scripture we heard or even the people we met.

I think that's worth paying attention to.

There's nothing necessarily wrong with having preferences. We all have them. And there's certainly nothing wrong with wanting our Sunday gatherings to be thoughtful, meaningful, and faithful to Scripture.

But somewhere along the way, our preferences can become expectations, and our expectations can quietly become the standard by which we judge whether Sunday morning was good or bad.

We can begin confusing what makes us comfortable with what makes our worship faithful.

In John 4, Jesus has an insightful conversation with a Samaritan woman about worship. She raises a question that had divided Jews and Samaritans for generations: Where is the proper place to worship God?

Jesus redirects her attention from locations of worship to something far more important.

He tells her, "The hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him" (John 4:23).

Jesus wasn't teaching that the way we worship doesn't matter. He was revealing that true worship is centered on Him and made possible through Him. The question is no longer which mountain we worship on, but whether we are coming to the Father through the Son, in spirit and truth.

You see, the Father is seeking worshipers.

That should reshape how we think about Sunday mornings.

When the church gathers, we aren't simply attending a religious service. We're gathering as people who’ve been redeemed by Jesus, adopted into God's family, and united by His Spirit.

And Scripture gives us some very important priorities.

We gather to hear God's Word faithfully proclaimed, with the gospel of Jesus at its center. We sing and pray together, reminding one another of God's truth. We celebrate baptism and the Lord's Supper as Jesus commanded. We practice hospitality, encourage weary believers, welcome strangers, and help one another grow as disciples of Jesus.

These aren't simply traditions we've inherited. They're central expressions of the life God has called His church to share.

Also, not every concern about Sunday morning is simply a matter of personal preference. Faithful preaching, sound doctrine, biblical worship, the ordinances, and genuine love for one another are matters we should take seriously. We should be willing to ask hard questions when those things are neglected.

But we also need the humility to recognize the difference between something Scripture requires and something we've simply grown accustomed to.

One calls for conviction. The other often calls for grace.

And here's something I think we sometimes forget.

Everyone who belongs to the church has a part in this.

Some teach children. Some preach. Some lead singing, prepare communion, greet guests, make coffee, or help with the practical needs of our gathering. Others serve through conversations, encouragement, prayer, and simply noticing the people who might otherwise go unnoticed.

And often, those things overlap.

The person teaching children is also a worshiper. The person preaching is also a worshiper. The person who arrives without any assigned responsibility still has an opportunity to welcome someone, pray with someone, or help another believer take a step toward Jesus…because they have come to worship.

New City, we aren't divided into performers and spectators, or those who serve and those who receive.

We're a family of missionaries, gathered to worship Jesus and help one another follow Him together.

Paul describes this beautifully in Ephesians 4. He calls believers to walk with humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another in love. He also describes a church where every member has a part in helping the whole body grow toward maturity in Christ.

In Ephesians 4:16, Paul explains that as each part does its work, the body grows and builds itself up in love.

That means the ministry of the church doesn't belong to a handful of people with assigned responsibilities. It belongs to the whole family of God.

And sometimes the most meaningful thing that happens on a Sunday morning isn't something that takes place on a stage.

It might be a conversation with someone who came through the doors feeling completely alone. It might be a child hearing about Jesus from a patient teacher. It might be a struggling believer who finds someone willing to listen and pray.

Those moments rarely appear in our plans for Sunday morning, but they aren't distractions from the ministry of the church.

They are a part of it.

This also changes how we think about excellence.

We should want to serve the Lord well. We should prepare thoughtfully, use our gifts faithfully, take our responsibilities seriously, and continue growing. Scripture places particular qualifications and responsibilities on those called to lead and teach His church, and those standards matter.

But we need to be careful not to confuse biblical faithfulness with our own expectations of perfection.

Excellence is not perfection.

Sometimes we measure excellence by how smoothly everything runs, how polished something looks, or how few mistakes are made. But Scripture continually draws our attention to something deeper: faithfulness expressed through love.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul reminds us that even extraordinary gifts and sacrificial acts amount to nothing without love.

A beautifully organized gathering without love has missed something essential. And a gathering where something goes wrong, but people respond with patience, humility, and genuine care for one another, may reveal something wonderful about Christ's work among His people.

We should pursue excellence because we love God and love people, not because we're trying to create an experience where no one can find a flaw.

And love doesn't mean we stop preparing or growing. It means we care enough to prepare well, receive correction humbly, learn from our mistakes, and continue serving one another faithfully.

Every one of us is growing. We're learning to love people better, teach more faithfully, serve more thoughtfully, and use the gifts God has given us.

Sometimes we're going to make mistakes. Sometimes things won't go as planned. Sometimes we'll look back and recognize that we could have done something better. Maybe the slides could have been handled better, or the temperature in the room handled better...or maybe... extending grace and mercy could have been handled better.

That's part of growing together.

And if our definition of excellence requires everything to be nearly perfect before we can worship, we've created an obstacle that God never intended.

None of us is exempt from the temptation to elevate our preferences.

And when we do, we may find ourselves expecting more from the people around us than Scripture actually requires, while overlooking our own responsibility to love and serve them.

That's where this becomes a discipleship issue.

Because we're always teaching one another something about what it means to follow Jesus.

What are we communicating when we allow small frustrations to overshadow the joy of gathering with God's people? What are we teaching younger believers when we treat personal preferences as though they carry the same authority as Scripture?

And what might someone who is exploring Christianity learn about Jesus by watching how we treat one another when things don't go according to plan?

Imagine someone attending church for the first time in years. Maybe they've been hurt by a previous church experience. Maybe they're unsure what they believe about Jesus, but something has drawn them through the doors.

Their experience of the church won't be limited to the sermon or the songs.

They'll also encounter me…and they’ll encounter you.

They'll see how we treat one another, how we respond when things don't go as expected, whether we make room for someone unfamiliar, and whether the grace we proclaim is reflected in the way we live together.

Jesus said that the world would recognize His disciples by their love for one another (John 13:35).

That's worth remembering.

Because Jesus didn't simply tell us to serve. He served us first.

He welcomed us when we were strangers, loved us when we had nothing to offer, and gave Himself for us when we were still sinners.

Through His death and resurrection, He brought us near to the Father and made us members of His family.

And the remarkable thing about that grace is that Jesus knew exactly what kind of people He was welcoming.

People with misplaced priorities. People who struggle with pride. People who are quick to criticize and slow to extend patience. People who don't always worship as they should.

People like me. People like you.

Yet He gave Himself for us.

Jesus lived in perfect obedience to the Father and offered Himself for people whose worship, love, and service have always been imperfect. Because we are accepted through Him, we don't need Sunday morning to validate our preferences, prove our worth, or meet every expectation.

We are free to worship with gratitude and serve with humility.

That gives us a different way to approach Sunday morning.

Instead of asking only whether everything met our expectations, perhaps we could begin asking whether we were faithful with the opportunities God placed before us.

Did I worship the Lord? Did I listen to His Word? Did I encourage someone? Did I help someone feel welcomed? Did I extend the same patience and grace to others that Jesus has extended to me?

Not as another list of expectations to fulfill, but as opportunities to participate in what God is doing among His people.

The beautiful thing about the church is that none of us gathers as a finished product.

We come as people who still need grace, still need encouragement, and still need to grow. We gather around a Savior whose faithfulness doesn't depend on our ability to get everything right.

Our Sunday gatherings won't always be flawless. Our preferences won't always be met. And we won't always love and serve one another as faithfully as we should.

But Christ is worthy of our worship. His Word is sufficient for His people. His grace is greater than our failures.

The Father is gathering worshipers through His Son, and by His Spirit He is shaping us into a people who reflect the love we've received.

And because He has made room for us, we can joyfully make room for one another.